Codependent

Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Codependency is often seen in relationships involving substance abuse, but it can also be present in relationships affected by chronic mental illnesses, including personality disorders, where one partner or family member consistently takes on a caretaker role.

Definition and Characteristics

The term codependency was originally coined to describe the living partner or family member of an individual with an alcohol or substance abuse problem. However, over time, its definition has expanded to include any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following: an addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling; the existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; the presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.

Codependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves”. Some of the characteristics of codependency include, but are not limited to, an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others, a tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to "love" people they can pity and rescue, and an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at their own cost.

Causes

The causes of codependency are complex and varied. Often, codependency is rooted in a person's childhood. Dysfunctional family dynamics, such as living with a parent or family member who is an addict or has mental health issues, can lead to codependent behaviors. These behaviors are learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Treatment

Treatment for codependency often involves exploration of early childhood issues and their connection to current destructive behavior patterns. Therapy sessions may focus on helping the individual rediscover themselves and identify their own needs and desires outside of the relationship. Support groups such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) or Al-Anon/Alateen, for friends and families of alcoholics, can also be beneficial.

Impact

The impact of codependency on an individual can be profound. It can lead to a life where one's own needs are minimized or ignored. Codependency can also lead to physical health problems as a result of neglecting one's own health and well-being. Mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, are also common among those who struggle with codependency.