Love & Respect

File-Love & Respect Coverart

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs is a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that explores the interpersonal relationship dynamics between husbands and wives, focusing on the biblical principle that men and women have different fundamental needs, with men needing respect and women needing love. This concept is based on a verse from the Bible, specifically Ephesians 5:33, which says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eggerichs posits that understanding and applying this principle can significantly improve marital relationships.

Overview

The book is divided into three main sections: "The Crazy Cycle," "The Energizing Cycle," and "The Rewarded Cycle." Each section aims to address and provide solutions to common marital issues from a perspective that emphasizes the importance of love and respect.

The Crazy Cycle

The Crazy Cycle describes a pattern where the lack of love from the husband leads to the wife feeling unloved, which then causes her to react in a way that feels disrespectful to the husband. This lack of respect, in turn, leads the husband to act in an unloving manner, perpetuating the cycle. Eggerichs argues that this cycle can be broken when either partner decides to act with love or respect unconditionally.

The Energizing Cycle

The Energizing Cycle offers a solution to the Crazy Cycle by introducing the concept of COUPLE for men to show love to their wives and CHAIRS for women to show respect to their husbands. COUPLE stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. CHAIRS stands for Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. By fulfilling these needs, couples can create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

The Rewarded Cycle

The Rewarded Cycle focuses on the idea that acting with love and respect can lead to personal and relational rewards, regardless of the immediate response from one's spouse. This section encourages individuals to persist in love and respect as a service to God, with the belief that this obedience will be rewarded.

Reception

Love & Respect has received mixed reviews. Supporters claim that it has transformed their marriages by helping them understand and fulfill their partner's needs. Critics, however, argue that the book's approach is too simplistic and reinforces traditional gender roles that may not apply to or benefit all relationships.

Impact

The principles from Love & Respect have been widely used in marital counseling and Christian ministry settings. Eggerichs has also developed a series of conferences, video studies, and other resources to help couples apply the concepts from his book.

See Also

• Marriage in Christianity
• Interpersonal communication
• Gender roles

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